Gratitude.

It has been quite a long time since I have been able to return to the blog, as chaos in my "present day life" has kept me from continuing my journey through the past... Long story short, I got sick with a cold/flu that turned into a horrible sinus infection, and then Julien got "hand, foot, and mouth disease", which is evidently running rampant through our area. And if that weren't enough for the poor guy, he developed a serious double ear infection (they found strep/pneumonia bacteria in the culture!) Needless to say, it has been a challenging couple of weeks. Especially given that I was crazy enough to brave the 6+ hour drive to MD for my best friend's baby shower... I was thrilled to be able to attend the shower. But I learned one important lesson- traveling alone with the twins just does not work. I can handle alot on my own- but not an overnight in a new environment with no help. We cut our trip early and drove home right after the shower- just in time to celebrate my 32nd birthday with a nice meal, just Jeff and I.

Despite the challenges, I do believe it was the happiest birthday I have ever had. Mainly because I realized that I am happy with my life and with myself in a way that I never have been before. And before I am justifiably accused of suggesting that my life is a picture-perfect "achievement", let me explain. There are plenty of challenges, rough edges, frustrations, areas of unfinished or unresolved business. PLENTY! But I am so fulfilled by where I am... so able to embrace the good and bad, beautiful and ugly (most of the time, at least) that I can't help but wonder if this is truly as good as it gets.

And I am deeply, profoundly grateful. Grateful to my husband for sticking with me when he probably wanted to run the other direction. Grateful to the family (and family of friends) who has shown me love, taught me love, and never for a moment let me doubt this love. And grateful to my children. To Carynne and Lucas, who never lived outside my body, but whose presence altered my very core. To Julien and Isabelle- who have taught me that being a parent doesn't mean "having" children. They are not mine. I am theirs. I am lucky enough to be given the opportunity to be a part of their lives, to love them, to hold them, to laugh with them, to try to use all that I am to nurture and guide them.

And so, in the wake of sickness and sleepless nights and birthday celebrations...

I am profoundly grateful.